Politicians Are Poody Heads

and they're not the only ones…

To everything there is a season…

on August 10, 2012

This is one of my favorite photographs.  That’s my older brother, taking a leak on my car’s rear tire just outside Angelfire, NM.  We’d been close as children — sharing a bed and talking together late at night.  But I was  a few years younger than he, and when our father left home, my brother took over my primary care.  He stopped being my buddy and became my “big brother,” looking out for me, helping me grow up.  Then before I knew it, he was grown and had a child of his own.  We drifted apart.

Suddenly, his kid was grown and he wanted to reconnect.  I was into backpacking then, so we each picked a place we liked, and showed it to the other.  He chose the Iron Mountain range in New Mexico.  Because he’d been an alcoholic since his teens, I was used to him emptying his bladder pretty much anywhere he felt like it.  It was funny at the time.  To commemorate the trip, I took a series of pictures of him “marking territory” throughout the journey.  I’ve lost the rest, so I only have this one photo as a reminder.

A business rift (between him and an older brother) resulted in him moving several states away.  He and I stayed in touch — I’d go visit him and we’d take long motorcycle rides together.  But when our father died, something happened.  My brother never forgave our father for leaving home and joining another family.  At the old man’s funeral, he sat apart from the rest of the grieving loved ones, so I sat with him to offer moral support.  After that, he started withdrawing from the rest of us.  I heard less and less from him.  After I became too sick to travel, he dropped off the radar.  My last few letters went unanswered, so I thought it best not to bother him anymore.  He was big on holding grudges, so I figured that some imagined slight had caused this problem.  I thought if I left it alone, he’d get over it.  After all, there’s plenty of time.

It was our sister that told me he’s dying.  I would have expected his liver to go first, but, since he’s a lifelong smoker, it was lung cancer that finally did him in.  They caught it late, so, baring a miracle, it’s just a matter of weeks now.  I find myself at loose ends, not sure what to do or to feel.  You see, with all my health issues, I’d always expected to be the next family member to ‘bite the big one.’  Then he’d be sorry he ignored me.  This is cheating — it’s so unfair!

He’s sent out word to the family that he doesn’t want to see, or hear from, any of us.  I don’t know why.  Of course I tried anyway, but got no response.  What did we do?  How can we fix this?  In spite of everything, he’s still my big brother.  He’s always been like John Wayne to me — bigger than life.  How can he die?  Even more important, how can he shut us out of this?  His death affects more than just him, although, admittedly, it affects him the most.

And yet…how do you say goodbye to someone who won’t talk to you?


2 responses to “To everything there is a season…

  1. Zorba says:

    I am so very, very sorry. All I can say is that you tried, and there may well be no way that you can fix this.
    Just be aware that this is not your fault. You have done what you can do. There is no good way to “say goodbye” to someone who does not want your “goodbyes,” but also realize that he seems to have many mental and emotional problems that you are not responsible for, and that you cannot do anything about. This also means that he is probably not totally responsible for his own actions because of these problems.
    Hold onto those good times that you had together. You have all my sympathy and love as you go through this. {{Hugs}}

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Reality-Based Community

and they're not the only ones...

The Last Of The Millenniums

Just because it always has been, doesn't mean it always will be

Bear with me...

A baby bear finds his way in an all too human world

Mashed Potato Bulletin

Grappling with the mish-mash of American politics

Pied Type

Old editors never die, they just revert to type

Social Justice For All

Working towards global equity and equality


frightfully wondrous things happen here.

Bearly Holding On

Some days I have to laugh to keep from destroying the world

Embattled Farmers

Political commentary from an insider

how the hell did i end up here?

The musings of a storyteller by eleanor lois tomczyk

Stonekettle Station

and they're not the only ones...

Firebrand Progressives

Unabashedly Liberal

You're already screwed

& it's your own damn fault


and they're not the only ones...

The Stars Hollow Gazette

and they're not the only ones...

ProPublica: Articles and Investigations

and they're not the only ones...


and they're not the only ones...

Latest from Crooks and Liars

and they're not the only ones...

MoJo Blogs and Articles | Mother Jones

and they're not the only ones...

Raw Story

and they're not the only ones...

Truthdig RSS

and they're not the only ones...

Mock Paper Scissors

The Internet's Band of Incorrigible Spitballers® Since 2006

Juanita Jean's

and they're not the only ones...


just another plaid-wearin' java-sippin' girl


More than just another wiseass

Empty Nest, Full Life

Formerly: PostDepartumDepression Thoughts about the "post Mommy" years of life

A Mind is a Terrible Thing

and they're not the only ones...

%d bloggers like this: